I’ve been staring at a number on my phone for longer than I’d like to admit.
For a long time, it was in the mid-30s. I told myself it didn’t matter. I’m fit, I train, I coach people on energy for a living. The number was probably wrong, or the device was off, or I was just having a bad week.
The truth is, I know where this story starts. In 2012 I went through a colossal burnout, and I weighed 61 kg at my worst. I wrote about it, taught about it, and built a career around helping other people avoid it. And somehow, years later, I was still running a quieter version of the same pattern: high-functioning, always on, never actually coming down.
That’s the part that stings. I knew better, and I still wasn’t doing it.
It took me a long time to move that number into the 60s. Here’s what actually happened, including the parts that didn’t work.
1. I started by trying to fix it with effort
I did what I always do: I added things. More training, more discipline, more tracking. And the number barely moved, or got worse. It took me embarrassingly long to see that I was treating a recovery problem with more stress.
2. The first real shift was a 45-minute break
Every 45 minutes, I stop. I stand up, change rooms or at least change my view, stretch, and sit in silence for a few minutes. The first week felt ridiculous. I’d sit there thinking about what I wasn’t getting done. But that’s exactly the point: my body had never been given permission to come down, and my mind didn’t know what to do with it.
3. I fixed my sleep timing, and I had to stop negotiating with it
Same bedtime, same wake time, even on weekends. I resisted this one more than any other, because I like to think I’m flexible. What I was really protecting was the option to stay up and keep going.
4. I stopped eating late
Two to three hours before bed, no more food. It sounds small. It wasn’t, because it meant admitting that my late nights were partly a habit, not a necessity.
5. I slowed down my training
Easy aerobic work, the kind where you could hold a conversation. I’m competitive, so this one hurt my ego. Going slow felt like going backwards. But the number kept pointing in one direction, and I eventually had to listen.
6. I learned to breathe on purpose
A few minutes at 5 to 6 breaths a minute, with a longer exhale. It’s the least dramatic thing on this list and the one that taught me how rarely I’d let my body settle.
7. I got outside early
Ten to fifteen minutes of morning light. It’s free, and I ignored it for years because it didn’t feel like a serious intervention.
8. I set a caffeine cutoff and learned to read my own mornings
Roughly 8 hours before bed, I stop. And when my number is low, I let it change my day. I swap the hard session for an easy one. That used to feel like failure. Now it feels like listening.
9. I drink more water
I’m including it because it works, and because I’m a little embarrassed it took a number on a screen to get me there. I don’t drink alcohol, so that lever was never available to me. If you do, it’s probably your biggest one.
What I got wrong, and what I understand now
I thought HRV was a fitness metric. It isn’t. It’s a measure of how much margin your system has, and I was running with almost none.
The painful insight is that I wasn’t failing at willpower. I was succeeding at the wrong thing. I was very good at pushing, and I had never practiced the other half, which is recovering well enough to push again.
That’s what 45-minute breaks really taught me. Rest isn’t the opposite of discipline. It’s the part of discipline I’d been skipping.
Rest isn’t the opposite of discipline. It’s the part of discipline I’d been skipping.
A few honest caveats: your number is only comparable to your own, on the same device. Watch the weekly trend, not the single morning. And I can’t tell you which change did the work. I changed several things, and I’ll never separate them cleanly.
If you’re where I was, here’s the one question I’d leave you with: where does your body never get permission to come down?
Mine was almost everywhere.
Here’s Some Inner Game Wisdom to Chew on This Week
1 question from me
Nearly everything in life has a useful zone, a desired dose. Ten minutes in the sun can energize you. Ten hours can burn you. This concept applies to many things: work, relationships, hobbies, exercise, food. What are you overdosing on?
2 insights from me
If you want to be happy, you must be present. To be present, you must be honest at all times.
My fundamental belief is that someone’s driving you forward or holding you back. There’s no in-between. Get rid of the people who are holding you back! Find people who are driving you forward!
3 quotes
“What makes you crazy makes you great”
— Dhiren Harchandani
“Life is an iterative and compounding game; it pays to go positive and go first. Also, remember that people make mistakes. Assuming there is no maliciousness, it pays to forgive.”
— Peter Kaufman
“When we hear music, poetry or stories, the world opens up again. We’re drawn in — or out — and the windows of our perception are cleansed.”
— William Blake said the same thing can happen when we’re around young children or adults who have unlearned those habits of shutting the world out.
Until next week:
Rest is part of the work.
Come down on purpose.
Notice the margin.
— Dhiren
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